we all get into routines. we all need routines. you need a routine to stay on track. you need a routine to stay sane. a routine is good for your physical and mental health. without routines, we would be lost. it is the natural flow of life to fall into routines. once the routine is set, we don’t need to think about it. you fall into a routine without even noticing. life is made up of a series of routines. a routine determines what you do in life and when you do things in the day, the week, the month, the year and throughout your life. the routine controls most of your actions. but sometimes routines can cause conflicts. this happens when people think that you are trying to control a situation or a decision, especially in a relationship – when it might just be that you are letting your routine guide you. you are not trying to control everything, you are following your routine – and sometimes that can be seen as control, not routine. look at what you are doing and see if it is part of your routine – and you are not deliberately trying to exert control over someone else’s life. you should align your routines with your partner’s routines – to avoid conflict and misunderstanding. if you are a good match and have similar interests, then the routines should naturally align. but if conflict arises, just refer to the routines and see if that is the issue. if it is not, then you might be trying to control someone.
don’t say 90%
don’t say 90% of what you are thinking. thoughts come into your mind every second. do this, do that, say this, say that. you think so much that you have to learn not to blurt out your thoughts while you are eating – don’t talk with your mouth full. you want to say something as soon as it comes into our mind so that you don’t forget what you just thought. you even pause the tv to say something – knowing that it will be gone if you continue to watch. you want to get your point across. you want to talk all the time. and most of us do talk all the time. but at some point, you have to stop talking all the time. as you get older, you just get tired of talking all the time. this helps you stop talking all the time – getting older. in fact, you must try to not say 90% of what you are thinking. most of what you are thinking can be a negative against other people. you do think positive thoughts as well, but we all think negative thoughts almost as much. it is because you are used to a certain way, a certain person, a certain look, a certain everything. so when you see something outside of your norm – you automatically go to the negative – why do they look like that, why do they talk like that, who do they think they are, etc. it could even be when interacting with a loved one – you want to voice your opinion, but sometimes it can be a cruel opinion. so stop before you speak and screen out 90% of what you about to say to someone. this is evolving, this is growing wiser, this is how you stay ahead in life. you might even listen more and you might show real interest in what other people have to say.
the wall of the 40s
if you have run a marathon or know about marathons, then you know that in every marathon, there is a wall. this is a wall that you must bust through in order to go on and finish the race successfully – which means crossing the finish line. everyone knows the analogies between life and marathons – the idea that life is a marathon. if you can live your life like you run a marathon, then there is a good chance you can make it through with some success and satisfaction. but it is very hard to think and live in these terms. how can you look at life, think of it as a marathon, and then act in the way a marathon is run. it is hard to do. you are in the moment and you want to jump, shout, talk, move, etc. you don’t want to be patient, calm, reserved, etc. – like you would in a marathon. but in reality, you must learn to think and act this way – no matter what. you will do it on your own or you will be forced to do it – to live life like a marathon. this brings us to the wall of every marathon and of every life. it is there waiting for you to bust through or not bust through. and this wall sits in your 40’s. the 40’s is the most challenging decade. you are through the experimental 20’s, the getting used to adulthood 30’s, the fun 40th birthday time period. time starts to run out and you can just start to see the end of the tunnel – years down the road, but now you notice it. you have the most burdens in life – kids, bills, middle marriage years, career challenges, time flying by very fast, kids moving to the exit, prep for college costs, retirement only 20 yrs away – it is a crazy time. this is why the 40’s represent the wall of life’s marathon. this is why you must recognize the wall, this is why you must keep moving and bust through the wall. knowing that the wall is there and that it is supposed to be there during this time – will help you get through it. all marathoners know the feeling of getting through the wall and they know how hard it is to get through the wall. you can either keep running through the wall or stop and walk through the wall. either way – see the wall, recognize the wall, get through the wall. it should be better on the other side – just like in the marathon race.
you have to be bored
what can you do. you have hit the mid-life phase. you have family, wife to work for. you can’t just quit your job. you have to keep working no matter what – to keep the train going. you also want to see your family as much as possible. you don’t want a job that has you traveling all over. you want to grab these fleeting days/weeks/months/years with your kids before they fly the coop for good. you have to make that your main focus. to do this, you must sometimes do jobs that are not as exciting as the ones you had in the past. the jobs that were in the big city – things were moving fast. you never watched the clock. you had less stress in all areas. kids were very young – stared at them all weekend – they were the entertainment. now they are growing up – becoming more expensive – you want to see them as often as possible – so you stay in your current job. this is to pay the bills – to see them – to keep things going – until they go to college. you have to make sacrifices. you have to be bored with your job – you have to accept the boredom – you have to accept the monotony of the job. you have to get that check every 2 weeks. you have to suck it up and keep going. you have to do this for the family. this you must learn. you can’t just jump from job to job. you have to be precise in your movements. you have to be precise in your judgement. you have to be methodical in your jumping. you have everything hanging on you. they are not letting go – they are getting heavier by the year. you must slog on. you must be bored. you have to be bored. it is a marathon. be bored, push on – change will come when the time is right or when you wake up one day and say enough is enough. but do you really have a choice. yes, but only a calculated choice now – no more missteps – you can’t afford it now. maybe later.
don’t overanalyze
don’t overanalyze the relationships that you are in – especially your main relationship with your wife, husband, significant other. if you overanalyze every little thing that is said or every little thing that happens in the relationship – then you will not have that relationship much longer. so often we wear down the people we love with continuous analyzation – this happens all the time and it leads to many break-ups. the other person is there because you love them and they love you – for who you are and for who they are. they are not there for you to analyze them. yes, you can question things. yes, you can disagree. yes, you can dispute things. but, no, you cannot analyze them over and over. you cannot analyze everything they say and do. this is not the way a relationship should be. stop overanalyzing them right now – or the end will come. they put up with your continuous analyzation because they love you. but one day they will take no more and it will be over. stop yourself from asking too many questions and from overanalyzing everything. stop yourself. don’t overanalyze.
daily happiness
you must have daily happiness to get through life. you must have things in every day that you look forward to. you must have at least 1 thing per day that you look forward to. this is key to getting through life relatively happy. it can be eating lunch, it can be watching a tv show, it can be doing a workout or taking a run, it can be reading a book, it can be seeing someone, it can be helping someone, it can be the drive home, it can be doing things at work – it can be any of these things. but the important thing is that you have at least 1 thing to look forward to – that you enjoy doing – that gets you from one day to the next. if you have nothing to look forward to each day – then you must deliberately put something on your schedule that you know you want to do and you must do that thing every day. human nature says that you have naturally figured this out already – but if you are in a rut and don’t have this figured out – go figure it out now – right now. waiting and mulling through life makes no sense. why are you here – but to enjoy some things in life – and to enjoy some things in life every day. do it now.
hitting someone
you must never hit someone when it is not in the case of self defense. for self defense – after you have been hit by someone – you do have a right to hit back and defend yourself. but to hit someone when not provoked physically is not acceptable in a civilized society. this you must learn when you are young. this concept must be enforced by your parents. do not hit people. men often are the ones who hit other men first – and sometimes they hit women – all unacceptable. also unacceptable is when a woman hits another woman or man first – unprovoked. you must not hit anyone. you must not allow verbal provocation to cause you to lash out physically against someone. this is crossing a line you should never cross. this action does not have any rational explanation. this action should shock a civilized person. everyone thinks about physical action sometimes -but you must not act on these thoughts. do not hit someone. do not get physical. this is unacceptable and can cause great alarm to friends and family. seek professional help to get you out of this very bad area.
study discipline
when you are a kid, you need to gradually figure out how to discipline yourself in the study area – and create good study habits. these study habits will carry over to your work life. you need to allot certain hours of the day to study. you need to study more in the daytime than in the nighttime – or this will create a bad cycle of less sleep, less study, etc. you need to stay away from cell phones, etc. during the week -limit your time using the phone during the week – save it for the weekend. you need to create a fun-work balance – this carries over to the real world down the road. you need to quickly see that social life should not outweigh study-life. you need to see this on your own or you need to be made to see this. the mantra is study more in the daytime and use less data. you are smart enough to do very well but you still must take time to study and do the things you must do to succeed.
Election 2016
November 9, 2016
To My Girls,
I know you must be confused with the election results that has put Donald Trump into the White House. I know that you did not like the things that Trump has said about women and other groups. I too did not like these things he said. I was confused by what to do and who to vote for in this election. I was also confused by the results of the election. Why did a man like Donald Trump get elected to be President? Many Americans are asking this question today. The answer is not a simple one, but one can begin to understand why change occurs in society. Change occurs in a democratic society because people are not happy with the current state of affairs – in their own lives and in the country. When enough people are not happy, change will occur. This is what happened in this election. People wanted change.
There is at least one thing you can be proud of in this election. You had the first female presidential nominee in American history – and this is a powerful statement to all women and girls in America. It tells women and girls of America that it is possible for a woman to rise up and take on the male dominated arena of politics. It is possible for a woman to one day lead this country. With this election, women have taken a big step towards being in the White House. Even though a woman did not get elected to be President this time – a woman did get nominated by a major party to run for President. This is a big step, and one day a woman will take the final step into the White House. You can feel proud and more confident as you grow up in this world.
We must now do the right thing and stand behind the person elected President, even if we do not agree with all of what they stand for and what they have said in the past. As Americans, we must come together and support this new President – this is the way of democracy. We must support our President and have hope that he will do the right thing for all Americans. This is our only choice now because we must respect what the people have decided. This is the American way. If we do not follow the American way, then we abandon all that America stands for from the very first day that George Washington took office. We must stand together now. We must come together and support our new President.
Love
Dad
close your mouth sometimes
why do you continue to open your mouth in social settings and say stupid things. this is a problem that we all face. things just come out when in conversation and then you later think – why did i say that. you might talk trash about another person or say something that will upset the person you are talking to. you need to learn to keep your mouth closed and not say everything you are thinking. i get it – you want to keep the conversation going. you want to keep the conversation interesting – so you fill it up with things best left unsaid. foot in mouth over and over. it is very hard to learn how not to put your foot in your mouth. but in casual conversation, just tow the line – take the high road – keep it clean – tell yourself over and over – don’t talk trash, don’t say what will hurt others, don’t gossip. you need to constantly remind yourself – don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it. you will feel better and you will be a better person. this is one of the fundamental things in life that we all deal with – but others will start to evolve and will learn not to open their mouth all the time. on the other hand – don’t be a staring mute with an air of superiority – that is actually worse. so stay in the middle and learn to close your mouth sometimes. do it, do it, do it!