when you look back past your life and all the way back to your parents’ lives – to when they met and got married – and then you see the path they took and you see how old they were – and you then compare to your life, to your age at certain parts of your path – you then start to realize how young your parents were when they got married, when they had kids, why they had marital troubles if they did – why they might have divorced – you start to see it all very clearly. you think about what you did in your 20s – and how getting married and having kids in early-mid 20s might have been major challenges to a relationship. you then see the paths they took and then you see that their lives did not always end in glory or in a way ever imagined. they had dreams too – they wanted to get to a comfortable place too. they wanted to be safe and secure – they wanted to succeed. they are just like you – they are only human – their paths changed too – they are just trying to hold on to life like you – they are trying to keep their grip every day. it is a funny thing when you really look back at your parents’ lives and you compare to yours and you see what they had to do and you see what you have to do – and these are the secrets not always revealed – you just have to look and compare – and you will understand more about you and about them.
the armadillo effect
we need to avoid the armadillo effect. this is an effect that can come across all of us. we go out into this world – we are brave, we are fearless. that is all good. we need to be brave, we need to be fearless – in order to see the world, to explore the world – to learn from our experiences. this is a must to progress, to eventually succeed. but what we must not do is fall under the armadillo effect. this is when you are so confident that you let your guard down. you think nothing will happen to you, you think nothing will harm you. you think you are invincible. this can lead to great harm coming your way. this can lead to an early grave. you can be brave, you must be fearless – but don’t be naive to think that you don’t need to be alert – that you don’t need to keep an eye out – that you don’t need to watch out for trouble. this is the armadillo effect and it can kill you. the armadillo walks casually across a busy road. the armadillo does not try to avoid traffic. the armadillo does not care about being in harm’s way. the armadillo does not rely on judgement. the armadillo is not alert and ready for trouble. the armadillo only relies on fate. the armadillo is often run over. don’t be run over. don’t fall under the spell of the armadillo effect. stay alert until the end. the difference is literally a matter of life or death.
high school reunions
reunions are a strange business. i think they are good but they are definitely a unique animal. you initially go because you know a few other folks going and you want to see them – so that is all good and that is a good reason to go. even to see 1 person that you are tight with or used to be tight with – is reason enough to go. you feel nervous going to the event – you really don’t know who you are going to see – you don’t know what you are going to say. you do know you might see people that you really didn’t like in high school and they really didn’t like you. you get there and you say hi to everyone you come in contact with – you are excited to see some folks and others you fall back into the way it was in HS – quick hi and move on. it is funny how the differences then are still there now. throughout the event, you are in a frenzied state – you don’t want to miss anyone – you want to make sure you talk to all those you know – you want to reach out to some you might not remember – you want to get the aha moment – yes, i remember you – so you are cruising around – talking, laughing reminiscing – you talk so much and so fast that you forget to eat – and the night goes quick – and then at the end of the night or the next day you feel good but you still feel like you didn’t talk to everyone – you didn’t get to say everything that you wanted to say. you want to hold on a little longer to those bygone days – you want to feel back in the moment – it is a strange feeling that lingers for days after the event. you stirred up those old thoughts from 20-30-40 years ago. you went back in time. almost a double edge sword – open up the past- relive and reconnect – but deep inside knowing that your time is fading fast. the good is you can reconnect with a few – you can include them in your life again. you can look at others in a new light – you can make new connections from the ones that you might not have known so well in the past. this whole thing stirs up unusual emotions but it is worth the effort. these things only come by a few times in life so don’t miss them all.
calm waters
your mind is always racing. you always overthink things. you wake up in the night stressing. you can’t even make simple decisions sometimes. life starts to push down on you. you don’t know what is the right decision or what is the wrong decision. you see people rising up – you see groups gathering. you allow peer pressure to still affect you – even years after high school. those dynamics are always there – it is you that has to evolve out of that cycle. you have to know that only family and a few friends matter. if you are happy with that – then stop taking your mind down the insecure path. until you reach the next level of existence – where you know what is important and what is not – you will still have these internal struggles. while you still go through these struggles – work them all out in your mind and with your loved ones – then go into the world with a calm facade. the truth is – everyone has to work to be calm in society – to just let things roll naturally. keep calm on the outside – and the turmoil on the inside will eventually fade. the rolling internal seas will merge with the calm waters that you keep pushing out to the world – an even flow will emerge for the finals stages of life.
keep your grip
as you get older, it becomes harder and harder to keep your grip. the challenges of life come at you hard in the 40’s, 50’s – you get pulled from all sides – the folks start dying – the kids start complaining and becoming more expensive – the marriage you need to keep focusing on – to maintain balance. you must steady yourself – you must look at yourself from the outside – you must try and remain calm. you must keep your grip – no matter what is thrown your way. you start to feel the pressure of life – you start to buckle a bit – you lose your train of thought – you have to work to be happy – it does not come as easily as it used to. everything is put in your way to make you stumble. but you must keep your focus – you must work on the smaller picture and not worry about the bigger picture so much – keep things going – keep moving forward – don’t stop or stall – you keep things on track the best you can and you will get through – you will keep your grip – you will get to the other side. step by step – keep your grip.
extra busy is good
when you start a new job, you are busy in the first month. but when you start a new job and you are extra busy – that is a rare thing. when you want to work more and more – when you have dinner, then go back to work – when you have so many people to reach to get the word out – when you have a jump on the market and time is of the essence – you want to spend every minute getting out there – when you don’t have time to read the news in the morning anymore – when you don’t have time to write a blog post until the last day of the month – extra busy is good – and we should all want to be extra busy during the heart of our career – of our life. relish that extra busy time.
struggle to appreciate
i have talked about the struggle over and over. it is always there for all of us. there is some type of struggle there – rich or poor. it dominates our mind – in the background – coming to the front with worry, doubt, insecurity. but what is so beautiful about the struggle is that it makes us better people. it pushes us more and more towards our loved ones. it shows us that we are not alone – that we have friends and family – right there in the struggle with us. it enhances our appreciation for others. we feel the struggle, they feel the struggle – we have a common bond – getting through the struggle – and it brings us together. we hug more and hold each other more – we want to help each other through our joint struggle and our individual struggles within the main struggle. we always wish to be free of the struggle – but in reality we are never free. we have to be in a struggle to appreciate the good things we have in life. the struggle gives us an appreciation for what we have – it keeps us grounded. we especially need this during the tough decades – 30’s, 40’s, 50’s – we need this more than we realize. if we didn’t have the struggle, we would appreciate less and we would lose what we have.
family business
don’t talk about money or finances all the time – especially at home. look – you have this business whether you realize it or not – it is called the family business. it is not the family business definition you know – where a family runs a business to make money in the outside world. this is the business of running the finances for your family. you have incoming and outgoing – they go up, they go down. you have an active budget that needs reviewing and tweaking all the time. this is your family business. i am not going to get into the ins and outs of this family business in this post. i am only going to focus on is when you discuss the family business with your family at home. for the kids it is good to go over the family business so they have an understanding of responsibility, frugality, etc. but for the spouse – yes you should discuss the family business on occasion but mostly to make sure bills are getting paid – money is coming in, etc. you should not talk about the bills, the finances all of the time or everyday. this will become a burden on the relationship and one that will lead to the ultimate demise of the partnership. don’t talk about the family business that much – keep it to a minimum – because this will only lead to fights over things that will work on their own as long as you keep working and you keep paying your bills. stop talking so much!
change and purpose
change occurred today – Trump was sworn in. there is a feeling now that more obvious changes are coming to America and the world. i don’t know if that has to do with my age now – and how i can reflect more on life and how i want to know what life is all about. as we get older, we do start to reflect and we start to ask why are we here – what is our individual purpose here on earth. is it to help ourselves or is it to help others. is our purpose not to see how far we can go but how far we can help others go. everyone’s destiny is predefined – we just need to follow the signals to stay on the predefined path. this will help eliminate worry and fear. but we still do not know what we are here for – what we are really here for. we will only know in the last hours of our lives – we will then know what we did and this will tell us why we were here – individually. if you as an individual do not achieve “greatness” – then you will help others achieve it. everyone is linked to some great purpose one way or another. some are easy to see – like being President of the US. but for most it is harder to see what great purpose we have achieved. but it is there and that is why change is there – change is driving all of us to our greater purpose for being on this earth. you have to know that you are here to achieve a greater purpose. you have to look deeper and deeper into your life to see the greater purpose that you have achieved. do not leave this earth thinking that you did not achieve a greater purpose. you did achieve a greater purpose and if you keep looking, you will see it. don’t stop reflecting and looking. change is a way to your greater purpose.
give
we all give to people we know. we give gifts, we give love, we give hugs, we give time, we give work, we give effort. we do give. it is a natural part of life. but we rarely give time or money to others that are not our friends or family. we rarely donate time or money to charities. we all need to give to charities. we need to look at local charities first. we need to help those close to home. we need to help veterans, we need to help the homeless, we need to help the sick, we need to help the less fortunate. we need to pick a charity every month and we need to donate time or money to that charity. once you start to give in this way, you will realize how wonderful it is to give. don’t expect anything in return. but if you do get a thank you, it will be a powerful thank you. give only to give. it is very rewarding. do it and you will see.