xangst – visions from a treadmill

it’s good to cry once in awhile

we don’t cry that much and in fact it is quite rare to cry. people never see you cry and they don’t even think that you do cry. crying is looked at in society as bad and sad and weak and vulnerable. we are always taught to be strong and not to cry – which is fine most of the time.

But – crying is needed every once in a while. Things can build up over time – the stress of life, etc – and then a trigger will set it off – a sensitive event – usually something with family sets it off and then you just have to let it go. You can then get all of your frustration out – it becomes a healthy, healing event – you see it as a good moment – a much needed moment. People will be shocked but that is ok – they see you as a human being with feelings – don’t be embarrassed – just embrace it.

crying is a restart button – a refresh button – a part of life that we don’t realize we need. but we do need to cry – it’s ok – cry and start again.

recognize when you have gone too far with the “i don’t care” mindset

this is an important one because it can affect your life in a negative way

here is how it goes –

you finally say to yourself – “i don’t care”

i don’t care about what others think, i don’t care about what others say, i don’t care if we are not friends anymore, i don’t care if i don’t see you again, i don’t care, i don’t care

don’t get me wrong – it is a great mindset to free yourself from all this negative worrisome shit that has plagued you for so many years – not a debilitating plague – but just one that has always been there screwing with you

so yes – please say “i don’t care” BUT don’t take it too far

what happens sometimes with the “i don’t care” mindset is that you go too far and you starting arguing more with good people, you start causing issues with good people because you don’t care – you say – screw them – i don’t care – i am right, they are wrong – and this leads to conflict.

so – realize this is happening like i just did today and take a step back.

take a pause, take a chill pill, hold your gunpowder, think about meditating, make a change in your life to avoid conflict – this goes back to – know your audience – and just pulling back on the “i don’t care” mindset a bit.

don’t drop friends with different opinions

in today’s post covid world where there is disagreement and division everywhere – you need to stay the course with your original mindset. this is the mindset that you had back in your 20s, 30s, 40s, etc – you were less cynical and more chill.

i do agree that as we get older, we need to not care that much anymore about other people – what they think, what they say, etc.

but, as we turn people off that give us negative vibes so that we can focus on the last remaining years without all the BS and static – we must not go too far as to alienate the good people – the ones that you do like but where you might have a different opinion about things like politics, etc.

if a person is a true friend, you should not care what political or religious views they have. keep that stuff out of the conversations and focus on the friendship.

if you do judge a true friend on their political or religious views, then you are wrong.

know your audience to avoid conflict

a quick fix to reduce arguments with people is to think about who your audience is before you say something that might cause an issue. you won’t be able to predict every time what will set people off but if you know the person fairly well, you can set some preset parameters before you open your mouth

the crazy thing is that i just discovered this viewpoint because i have been arguing with people lately where i thought there could be no conflicts.

the reality is that everyone thinks in different ways about different things – and i am not talking about fiery topics like politics – i am talking about everyday normal things

if the person is a true friend and you don’t want to lose the friendship – then pause slightly before you engage and don’t drop in topics that could set them off. i am not saying handle people with kid gloves -just monitor your conversations more to create less drama, issues, etc

see things with fresh eyes

to appreciate what we have in life, we must look at things with fresh eyes once in awhile. we always think about how our life can be better – how we can have better things – a better house, a better car, a better neighborhood, etc.

we don’t realize that we already have many of those things.

as time goes on, the things you have lose their luster and you get used to seeing those things every day -so you start to think – why can’t i have something else – something that is better than what i have right now. but in reality – we already have these things

how can you tell? – try the fresh eyes trick. when you drive into your neighborhood, pretend like you have never been there before. look at the streets, houses and trees like it is the first time you are looking at them. do this when you drive up to your home – look at it like it is the first time that you have seen this home. look at these things from a new objective perspective.

you will be shocked! you will say – wow, look at this neighborhood – look at this house – just like you did when you really did see them for the first time.

you will then see how lucky you are already. stop wanting for things that you already have – be grateful.

maintain a macro level view

we must maintain a macro level view most of the time to keep things in order in our lives and to keep sane.

many times, we take the micro level view on things – we look at things very closely and we look at them over and over and over – and we over analyze all the time. these are all micro level views – which we do need to make decisions and to help move us forward in life.

micro and macro views on life work together to create a fulfilled and satisfying life. but many times we stay in the micro view too long on certain things -which can last days, weeks, months or years. this is not healthy and can lead us down rabbit holes that are hard to come back from – to the macro level again.

always start at the macro level with all things that you are thinking about. then go to the micro level to create your analysis and decision. but once that decision is made – quickly move back to the macro level and maintain the macro level view as your normal every day view.

if you get stuck in the micro level view – then force yourself out of that view

always go back to the macro level for sanity and clarity in life – it’s the only way to get down the road the right way

we must overcome our weaknesses

we will be challenged in the mind. we will have thoughts that are negative. we will have thoughts that are bad. we will have thoughts that are not in our best interest. we will have thoughts that will try to lead us in the wrong direction.

these are all the challenges of the mind. these are the thoughts of every human to ever live. these are the trial and tribulations of life. these are the thoughts that will cause us stress and give us pause to think about our path, our life, our choices. these are the thoughts that make us who we are, make us who we become and decide how we are remembered.

it is the battle of strength against weakness. will we be strong and push these thoughts out of our mind to reach our true destiny or will we be weak and take the negative path to a negative outcome.

we must fight to be strong. we must overcome our weaknesses

we must win the battle in our minds to fight against our weaknesses

having enemies is good

without enemies you will not reach your goals

you must have enemies so that you will never give up until it is your time to go

if you give up before then – your enemies will win and have the last laugh

you must also maintain your integrity until the very end

never give your enemies any reason to say they were right about you – when you know they were the ones in the wrong

so having enemies serves 2 purposes –

-helping to push you through with integrity until the end
-helping you to never give up or give in

this is the reason that we gather enemies as we go through life – they help us along

nighttime thoughts

when you go to sleep at night and then wake up in the middle of the night – you have many thoughts – we all know this

when waking up in the middle of the night, you are at your most vulnerable state

you are not as strong or confident as you are in the daytime

you can think very insecure thoughts upon waking up in the middle of the night

you can think that everything is going wrong, that you are a bad person, that you need to make drastic changes

this is the issue of waking up in the middle of the night and having these types of thoughts sometimes

it can shake you, it can rock you to your core, it can have you 2nd guess every choice that you have ever made

but when you wake up in the morning, you feel so much better, you feel your usual confidence, you feel your usual self

you then reject all of the bad thoughts from the nighttime – you go back to your old self and you stand by most of the choices that have shaped your life

the only thing you need to do now is remember that bad nighttime thoughts are not to be acted upon – wait until the morning and all will be better

writing people off

it’s ok to write people off. i know we don’t want to be negative and we want to forgive. but sometimes it is better to write someone off and move on.

we have to follow our beliefs. we have to do what is right for our own self.

when we are young, we try to get along and we want people to like us

but as you get older, you start to see that not everyone likes you – and that is ok

you can’t dwell on why people don’t like you or why your friends are no longer your friends

it is the same when you write someone off – these people no longer fit your idea of a friend or acquaintance

you might have seen another side to them and you don’t like it

so you can keep going along or you can write them off

in reality, they don’t care if you write them off because they will also think about what is best for them – and if you are negative to them – they will write you off too

no one is right or wrong with the writing off process – but we all must continue on in life and we should shed what we perceive to be negative people or influences

it’s a defense mechanism but it is also a way to simplicity and clarity

will you end up all alone if you write everyone off – yes

should you write everyone off – no

use your gut, your instinct, message from god, etc. – to decide who to write off –

Writing off will always happen – it’s inevitable due to human nature