ah–this is key in life. you must be loyal to your true friends. you must go out of your way for your true friends. you must be there whenever they call. you must do things that require extra effort. these are the friends that you will keep for life. these are the friends that always have your back. these are the friends that know all your secrets. these are the friends that will never leave your side. these are the friends that don’t fight with you anymore. these are the friends that are your family too. always be there for them and they will always be there for you. it is an unwritten code. you are lucky to have them and they are lucky to have you. be loyal to these true friends and you will never be alone. do not judge them and always forgive them. do not hesitate to support them. just do it. guilt should not come into play. be rid of feeling guilty when doing something for a loyal friend. because these are your true friends and loyalty is the currency you carry.
Author: Tyler Toby
no guilt success
you know –it is a funny thing when you start to become successful – but your mind can’t handle it. it is this whole guilt thing that lies on top of the mind like a wet blanket. it obviously stems from this guilt ridden society that we now live and grow up in. oh, we are made to feel guilty for some reason –about everything we do. one area that is not discussed much are the pangs of guilt one feels as they grow more successful. we still cling to the idea that we are not supposed to be this successful and we do not belong at this level. it is crazy when you think about it –we own the process of becoming successful –pushing hard, never giving up, etc–but when we get that success from this process –we pull back and say –“hey –I don’t deserve this”. and in return, these thoughts can actually start to hold us back a bit –i don’t deserve to make X, so I won’t ask for it –I will stay in my station. this is BS and you need to break from this restricting mindset. you deserve everything you work for –just like the rest of those bozos driving around in fancy cars. stop thinking and go get it! now!
modesty
ah –this is one of the hardest things to practice. we want to be modest, we don’t want to be an ass –but our inner self always pushes to be in charge and over-confident. we are unstoppable and the world cannot live without us –and our job can’t do without us –we are too valuable to be let go! –obviously that is BS –but our inner voice does not know this –we are trained to be self-confident –but we must control these thoughts when our reputation, family, career are on the line. we must get back in line and not jump out suddenly, tossing away all thoughts of modesty -this will only lead to trouble. that is why when you are in a heated conversation –you must pause in your own mind and not say the absolute wrong thing –filter your words very carefully –and stay close to the modest line when in the thick of it –as you can always move forward from modesty in the future –but it is harder to back away from over-confidence and bravado. this is not easy and emotions get in the way –you say to yourself –i am the “shit” and i want my way. stop right there and go to modesty for the time being –it will help in the long run. i am not saying to cower and not stand up for what you have accomplished –you do have rights and value –but don’t make any fatal moves –and modesty and help you keep away from the fatal moves. even the most important person in the world must practice modesty –to remain relevant and to remain important in their own mind and in the world
moderation
a funny thing happened at a party the other night –I was one of the first to leave. sure, i was still having fun, and sure, i still had a buzz –but when i announced to the usual crew i’m checking out for the night –the folks were shocked. what happened to the usual party guy? the one that has been kicking it up the latest at parties for 20 years. i realized that i wasn’t 20 anymore. i realized that i don’t need to be the last to leave a party. i can have fun to a point and not drink past the memory limit. i can start to live in moderation from all aspects. i have most of the other areas down for moderation –and just needed to dial down this area too. can i still hit the high notes once in awhile –sure. but i need to pull back a bit. i need to be more moderate in this area–or it will bite me in the ass when i get older –it could shorten my life a bit –not good. it is a new year –and i am going to practice moderation more–in all areas –drink, finance, spending, etc
good judgement
good judgement is hard to come by in life. many times when you are young, you practice bad judgement. i’m not talking about the major gut decisions. i’m talking about should you drink and then drive. or should you jump off that cliff on you vacation in Greece. or should you cross the highway at night. these types of judgement calls can often mean life or death. and many times, they come when your mind is not right–under a few drinks, maybe. and if this is the case–it is hard to make the right call –dash across the street or wait until it is absolutely clear? if you are sober, you can make this call calmly. taking the drink out of the equation –you need to make sure you make the right judgement calls where an accident can easily occur with the wrong call. the reality is –yeah you can end your life with the wrong call -but when you are gone, you won’t even know it –you will only know that last minute right after you make the wrong call –the “oh shit” moment. you won’t feel anything after that. what you will screw up is what you could done with your life and how you hurt the people you left behind. they are the ones hurting. they are the ones who get screwed if you make the bad judgement call. much of life is luck–no doubt. but, you can help steer that luck in your direction with just 1 or 2 good judgement calls. make the good call –it’s easy.
need to reflect
the beauty of life is that we are given many internal signals –warning signs. nothing happens without signals coming first. we can avoid anything if we listen to these signals. but, as imagined, most of these signals go unnoticed. this is the difference between making it happen and not making it happen. you need to be tuned in to what your gut is telling you. if you are not tuned in, you will not have the life you desire. many times we go off the track a bit –and it is the internal gut check that puts us back on the right track. many times the gut check comes at night. you wake up at 4 and your gut jumps right into the conversation. this is when all the thoughts in the back of your mind come to the forefront. even though you want to go back to sleep –you must listen to your thoughts sometimes –and this will help you see what the gut is saying and will help you make the right choice. many times i have awakened after nights like this and i have listened to my gut and i have made the right decisions to put me back on track. one of those decisions is to stay in the moderate mindset –stop going to the excess level –stop acting like you are still 20 -as it will catch up to you and it will steal precious time from your life in the long run. i am reflecting and listening to my gut –to my 4am gut check –and it says to slow down and practice more moderation. slow down and reflect more often –listen to your gut and act on what your gut is saying. it will make a difference. i am saying this–but now i must act–otherwise it won’t mean shit. get it?
run and think
every day has its challenges. and though these issues are not very serious most of the time –they do affect your mind and your mood of the moment. they can cause you to lash out at your loved ones. they can cause you to be depressed. they can cause you to think everything is hopeless. they can cause you to think you are getting nowhere. but what can often help is a run or a bike ride to get your mind straight. this won’t wash your troubles away –but it will help you to overcome the momentary lapse into depression. when you start the run, for example, you mind is searching for a topic to think about and oftentimes your thoughts of worry will surface first. this is very similar to waking up in the middle of the night –your thoughts go right to worry. the difference is the time of day. you have more control of your worries in the daytime. once you latch on to the thoughts at the start of the run –you are still in the area of worry. but as the run progresses, you shift away from the worry and start to think about the resolution to this worry. your mind strengthens and you gain back your usual confidence. you then see that this worry is not that bad –it is not life threatening or life changing. you can bounce back with the positive thoughts. you can see the light. so next time you are worried –go run and think.
building walls
when we start off young in high school, college and soon after –we have no walls. we have a mind of freedom. we don’t see rules and boundaries. we only see what is right in front of us and we go for it. we don’t think it through. we don’t wonder if this is the right thing to do. we just do it. that is the beauty of youth –no walls are up. you meet friends quickly and you just go with it. if a friend drops off –oh well –you are moving too fast to notice most of the time. and the ones that stick with you, they become your lifelong friends. it is a simple, easy process –that we don’t even have to think about –it just happens. you do have to work at it here and there-but a little loyalty goes a long way. 20 years later, you look at the friends you have and see who your best friends are –there are no questions. you can go months without seeing them and when you do –no biggie –falls right back to the place of youth. now–when you move to new places away from your old friends, you have to make new friends. this can be a bit harder than the old days because now you have built up some walls of protection around you — and you do question things more often and you do follow rules a bit more. this can make it even longer to become better friends with someone. you analyze shit more –never a good thing to do –but the walls in your mind push you to question and analyze every move. it is like riding a bike–you know how to make friends–but now you look to see what is around the corner –and this makes you pause, rather than a natural flow to the process. so –what do you do? you take it easy and do not stress over these trivial things. even though walls are there and things take longer –the natural flow will still occur. stop thinking and keep living.
stop yelling
stop yelling at the kids and stop yelling at your spouse. this will only create issues for you and your kids and your spouse throughout their lives. it does not get you anywhere. be calm and speak calmly in a heated situation –which most of the time is not even worth being heated. it is only heated because you started yelling. it is unfortunate that we do seem to have short fuses and we take it out on our loved ones because they are not doing what you want them to do. take a chill pill. everything does not revolve around you. life keeps us moving fast and we tend to react fast to even the smallest things. we want fast results, we want fast action. so we yell. and we think yelling will get the point out faster or make that person move faster. end result is no good. stop yelling. better yet –tell yourself to stop yelling before you do start to yell. thanks.
forget the green grass
be grateful for what you have. stop wishing for what they have. look at what you have and see that what you have is great. you are lucky. yes, you have had some bad luck. yes, the path has not been all roses. yes, you did not strike it rich. yes, you are not the most popular person to everyone. yes, you have insecurities that drive you crazy. yes, you are not perfect. yes, you worry about what others think about you. yes, you want to please everyone. yes, you hate getting old and you hate seeing your kids getting old. but guess what? you have it pretty good. you are alive, you are still young enough where health issues are not a problem. you might be lucky enough to have a family. if you are, then this is the main reason to stop bitching and start thanking. be happy for the little things that you have and for the fleeting moments that you have with your family. cherish the nights with them, cherish the days with them. you have friends too –be happy for that. stop looking at the material world and saying “i want that”. you have everything you need already –be happy with that. tell your mind to stop. yes, you want more success and yes, you want more money –but it will all come if you are patient. stop thinking about how you want things to be and be happy with how things are. you can’t please everyone –so let them deal with that fact. just be happy –if you can.